I’ve recently been listening to the audio book of Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One (HIGHLY recommended). Wil Wheaton does a superb narration. Having recently watched the newest reboot of Star Trek (totally impressed by the way) I got to thinking about other reboots or future possibilities. Suppose war breaks out (as is suggested in some futures) and Wesley, now a captain, goes rogue through horrific PTSD. I imagine him in a Khan-esque, haywire rampage in which he would be totally unstoppable. Let’s face it—in The Next Generation, whenever stuff got REALLY heavy, the experienced officers always had to rely on the wünderkind Crusher to save their butts. Now he’s the predator, and vicious he will be. Here are five reasons he’ll crack in the future and make Khan’s rampage look like a Tokyo soundstage:
- An overbearing/absent mother. Statistically doctor’s kids freak out more often (ask me, I know).
- Dead father. Nuff said.
- Crap father figures. Give me a break; he never had a chance. Picard hates anyone under thirty-five, and Riker’s only gonna teach him how to pick up blues house slinkers (an important skill perhaps, but character building it is not).
- The sweaters. Anyone forced to wear those sweaters is doomed to crack.
- Sexual repression. Hot mother leads to Freudian denial leads to confused feelings. (Note #4 adorned with prevalent rainbow patterns.)
It’s gonna be a bloodbath folks.
-Dreadnaught Crusher. Let the carnage begin.